Shipwrecked

WALT: write a comprehensive piece of flash fiction 

Shipwrecked

Kalani sat on a rock with Agent Koko alongside her helping to open coconuts for breakfast, Kalani looked out to the mist feeling the nauseous groan in her stomach “homesick?” Maddison said “y-yeah a little.” Kalani mumbled, “ you've been here for 2 months now I thought you would be used to it.” Maddison claimed, Kalani replies with “yeah I'm getting used to it, but you would still have that one feeling inside you that misses everything back home right?” “ Yeah every now and again” Maddison added. Kalani had finished opening every coconut and laying on the half made bamboo table, Kalani started to stick the helpless crabs above the fire that Maddison made, she started thinking about all the delicious things you could eat in Miami, she stuck the rest of the crabs on the stick and watched them carefully cook above the fire. When breakfast ended Kalani laid in her bed made of leaves she wiped the memory from her brain and walked to Maddison’s room where she read her only left belonging a book with Bentley her bird on her shoulder “ can't wipe the memory away?” Maddison asked, “ yeah... I’ll go get some bananas now to make for lunch later on.” Kalani replied, “ok I'll finish off this chapter then help roast the banana skin.” Maddison exclaimed.

2 months and 2 weeks  earlier

Kalani stood at the front of the harbour about to board the ship, she had no second thoughts she wasn’t thinking about anything that could go wrong on the ship. Kalani excitedly aboard the ship and walked straight to her chosen room and silently looked out the window. She had fallen asleep and dozed off for around 2 hours, the boat was far from land and Kalani decided to go to the roof of the cannon which was the boat's name. She relaxed in the pool, it was only this other girl her age and Kalani on the roof, they minded each others business until the boat came to a heavy stop. The girl and Kalani flung to one side of the tilted boat. The girls asked each other what to do while they stood at the end of the roof. The captain confirmed that the boat hit a massive rock and that it was very hard to see. There was nothing that could help them save ourselves at the top of the cannon, the girls ran down to the last floor and ran to the fast drowning balcony. There was a small boat packed with a majority of survival foods, Kalani ran to the boat and pushed the emergency ramp button. They got the boat in the water just as the boat submerged. From there on we treated each other as sisters.


Kalani came out of the flashback and thought to herself “how did I get here?” she said. Maddison was making a fire for lunch, “are the crabs ready!” she yelled from a few meters away, “u-ur-urm y-yes they certainly are!” Kalani yelled. When lunch was finished Maddison asked Kalani if she wanted to take a walk “yeah… sure….that's f-f-fine.” Kalani replied hesitantly “Great because we are going now!” Kalani and Maddison took a great walk in the forest. Just as they were in the middle of their walk they heard rustled and footsteps in the bush, “what was that?” they both said, “hello… hi … a-an-anybody there!” they said “YES!” a loud voice said from the distance. They got to meet the strange voice, turns out her name is Luna and she is a great builder, Maddison and Kalani were so happy they met her.

By Shyla

 Does it make sense? What should I work on? What did I do good?